Today

Today would have been John Noll's 17th birthday and I have no more understanding today than two months ago.

My heart is broken maybe a bit more than ever. Because the reality of his life no longer being lived is sinking in. The fact that no one gets to celebrate moments with him anymore has officially hit.

I'm so frustrated for my friends that they don't get to have him anymore. They are left to learn how to live life anew struggling with his loss. This in addition to all they have already experienced.

Please lift up the Noll family today. This is a really tough week as it is many people's birthday's. And it's the anniversary of dark days in their lives.

Thanks.

So Much To Say

There has been so much to say in the last week and yet, little to add to what you have previously been following in our lives.
The days are still long with grief. Full with work and children. Consumed with love and longing for answers to deep questions.

Amy Noll has just posted a blog about all that has gone on in the last two weeks that speaks deeply about what is going on in her heart and it makes me love her more and more. Mostly because of how difficult it has to be to write about such things so publicly. Read and weep along with her and her family.

Amy Noll Blog

Mountain Climbing

It was a week ago today that Amy and I left Asheville and headed to Boerne to be with her family after hearing about her brother's death.

What a long week.

I know that it has felt to Amy like she has a mountain to climb every day.

She never knows what lies around each turn, what challenges she will face, what ascents will be the most difficult of the day. The things that seem to be the most hard at the beginning of the day-don't always turn out that way. Instead, little moments jump up and catch you off-guard resulting in tears, frustration and the desire to turn away, run or lash out.

It has been really hard.

Tomorrow, Amy returns to Asheville.

Yet another mountain as she leaves Texas.

Leaving her parents.

Leaving her freshman sister home alone.

Going back to college to take finals.

All in the face of mourning the loss of her brother.

Let the mountain climbing continue.

Feel free to keep us all in your thoughts as each day will undoubtedly be difficult.

I wanted to give you all the link to John's obituary: Obituary

As well as a letter that was so wonderfully written by the Boerne Superintendent regarding John's death that was sent out to the entire district: Superintendent's Letter (Click on Mourning One of Our Own)

In lieu of any flowers, the family asked for donations to Boerne Young Life.

If you would like to make a donation, you can do that here: Young Life Boerne Donation Page

Love Will Bring You Home

Boerne, Texas has been amazing.

It really has.

I wish that I had gotten to be here under different circumstances.

The people, the town, the love that exists here is so warm and comforting.

It truly felt like I was coming home. To a home that I had never been to before. I loved getting to be with Amy and her family and extended family and more extended family and then more extended family. And then their friends and friends of friends.

It is hard to understand exactly how the Nolls welcomed into their most intimate place of pain and sadness and to do it with such hospitality, grace and love? To do so says much more about who they are than anything else.

When you love well, everyone feels like they own a piece of your love and your pain.

This is the way it was with the Nolls.

They love so well, everyone wants to give it back to them.

Amy, her aunt Lisa and I got to go running on Saturday. As we ran and ran together, I got to reflect on all the reasons that I love Amy and her family and how I met her brother John and how even as a 13 year-old he had the deepest impact on my soul. He approached everyone with a selfless attitude and with pure unadulterated joy. He just liked to have fun. And having fun for him was working hard and playing hard.

I enjoyed him so much.

I will miss him. Not just for me, but for Amy, her sisters, her brother and her parents. They all deserve more life with him.

As we were running back to the house, Lisa and I equalled with Amy and ran on either side of her.

Surrounding Amy. Side by Side.

Bringing her home.

Safely.

It was powerful.

Made even more powerful because my ipod began to play "Love Will Bring You Home" by Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors.

I almost wept and collapsed with understanding that our only hope comes from love.

Love wrought by Jesus on the cross.

Here are the words:

Some say love is for pleasure

you take what you want

I say love is a healer

of the broken heart

Some say love is a treasure

Money can buy

I say love is bloodstain

in the innocents eye

Love will bring you home

Love will bring you home

In your darkest hour

In your time of need

When you're praying for shelter

When you're begging down on your knees

Some say love is a gamble

You win or you lose

I say love is the Father

waiting for you

Love will bring you home

Love will bring you home

In your darkest hour

In your time of need

When you're praying for shelter

When you're begging down on your knees

Love will bring you home

Love will bring you home

In your darkest hour

In your time of need

When your praying for shelter

When your begging down on your knees

Tomorrow, love will bring me back to Asheville.

And later this week Amy will return to finish up the semester.

I can't even imagine what the journey will be like for her.

But I know the one who will be by her side and it won't just be me.

Thankfully, He is much bigger than me.