Vignettes

So I don't have enough time or energy to catch everyone up on everything.

So in vignette picture form, here you go:

My kids started playing a game they call "Beach Party." They take baggies of cheez-its (and only cheez-its) outside while wearing sunglasses and hats and stare off into the sun for extended periods of time. They talk about the yard, the weather and laugh at each other. Precious yes? Involves me? None. Perfect game.

Also, during this time I lost track of them for a little while. I didn't hear them and couldn't find them for a few minutes. They disappeared around the side of the house. When I found them, they were kneeling in front of a statue of Jesus calling him "Fairy Godmother" and telling him all of their "secrets."

I just went with it.

(L-R: Me, Jenny Ondo, Emily Crain, Morgan McIntrye, Mindy Sanders, Jessica Workman, Jessica Freas, Angela Austin)

In early November, the South Carolina Women's Soccer team went on run during the Southeastern Conference Soccer Tournament and landed a #2 seed in the NCAA tournament. They hosted the tournament at our field for three rounds and a bunch of us alumni came back for the games. It was probably the most fun that I have had in years at USC.

The women's soccer coach at USC, Shelly Smith (who is a class act) had Angela Austin address the team after the game letting them know how proud all of the alumni were of them and how we all followed these girls. Truly, they are our legacy and it was awesome to watch them. They ended up losing in LITERALLY a last second goal against Wake Forest in the Sweet 16 round. Ugh.

But it was so fun to tailgate and to cheer for our Gamecocks all together as alumni. I think it was the first time we all came together since we graduated-except for alumni games. It was great fun.

The Toughest Sorority

I just got back from an Alumni Soccer Game at USC and it was quite the experience.

I haven't been back in a few years, thanks to having babies and what-not. But I got to go this year due to the Blizzard of Crooked Creek.

I went and had a great time. It was really fun to see the current team play. It was great to be back at the Graveyard and to remember all of my days playing on the old field. And it was great to go out afterward with a few friends from the team and laugh and remember good things about playing together.

I called Matt after we left our time together and started to rehash and told him just how fun and "easy" it was to play soccer and be me finally. After all these years. I just stared crying. I couldn't figure out why except for this.

I never emotionally really dealt with how hard it really was to play soccer in college. I never had the time to. I know wah wah wah.
But it was the hardest time in my life and very few people-except for those that I played soccer with and those that I lived with really know how hard it was. I tried really hard to bear it alone. And I think that after all of these years, I am bearing the scars of that.

To give you a little picture of a day, here's a snapshot:
9:00 breakfast and classes-until 1pm
1:30-2:30 training room to get treatment and evaluated/judged by trainers to know if you have done what they have been telling you do. i.e.: determines if you are going to get yelled at by coach
2:30-3: locker room to get ready for practice
3-5: practice/torture. This could be fun. But you are going to get yelled at by coaches, trainers, teammates for the entire time. You will disappoint everyone-including your mother everytime you miss a shot, a tackle or a sprint that you are supposed to make. It calls into question if you are going to get your scholarship, if coach thinks your are good enough, if your parents are going to be disappointed in you, did everyone on the team notice that, can you make it up next time? When you a realize it and say something like "Sh$#" then you have disappointed God and then everyone on the team judges you. Good times for two hours.
5:30-6:30: weight training. This is especially fun when you are lifting weights next to people that are getting ready for the NFL combine or the Olympics. You basically feel like a weak little cheerleader in your sweet little Title9 sport. All the while getting yelled at by your weight trainer for not being serious enough.
6:30-7:30: Team meeting for Young Life. Obviously you are late and letting the team and God down again. You haven't eaten since you grabbed lunch in the middle of Psych 305. So you try to eat while planning club or having campaigners. You stink because you haven't showered and you have some bag of ice wrapped on a part of your body. You haven't processed one part of your day yet.
8pm: Study Hall. You better not be late because if you are late the whole team will have to run for your lateness and since you didn't eat with the team because you are Jesus person...it will be even worse for you. So don't be late. But then three freshman are late by three minute. Three times three equals six laps on the track at 6am. Tomorrow. That's where you will be. You spend the next two hours trying not to hate them and instead studying Russian vocab because it was a good idea to take Russian while playing college soccer. Once more, you have disappointed God because you have failed and you hate them. No really. You do. And your Coach.

10pm: Out of study hall. Everyone is heading to a party. But not me. It's just not a great place for me to go tonight-or any night. Are they worried about going to the track at 6am? Nope. Me? YES.
Awesome.

Can't wait to play soccer! This scholarship is totally worth it!

Looking back it was. But that day right there-was truthfully everyday for four years. Without a break. Without much variation except for when we had games. Which were wonderful. 20 games a season. Awesome.

There is nothing-NOTHING like scoring a goal wearing your teams jersey on your field. I wouldn't trade it. But there were days when the locker room was nearly unbearable. When study hall was awful. When I did not want to board the bus for an away game because of who else was going and how hard it was going to be and how it made me feel on the inside. Like I was never good enough.

So no doubt, I never processed or dealt with it. I was floating through from one thing to next just trying to survive without getting in trouble, all day long. That was my goal. Just don't get in trouble today. Socially, athletically, academically, theologically. And I would FAIL FAIL FAIL. But if I focused on all the failures, I would be a wreck! So, I would see one or two and try to handle those then move on. It was an impossible task.

So I cried today. From being sad that I really wanted to fit in with my teammates to being awesome on the soccer field. I wanted it all to go great at college. And I LOVED COLLEGE. Which is so bizarre given how hard it was. But I really did. I just had to compartmentalize what was hard and move on.




Today, I am 31 and a mom to two kids. For some reason, it was fun. I felt finally like I could let it go and know that I am good enough. I did it. I weathered the storm. I can wear the jersey for the rest of my life and know that I did it. But every day was hard. I can't say that enough.

But today...today was just fun. I laughed and played and stunk up that field because there was no pressure to be awesome or anything. I could just be who I am. I was comfortable with that. Finally.

Can I just say?

It has been a long time since my legs have looked like this?

And that it has been a lot of fun AND humbling to go back on the field? I feel like I can't hit the side of a barn much less the back of a goal!

But the best part is reconnecting with Lexi! Our lockers were next to each other throughout college and we spent A LOT of time complaining and grumbling about the day ahead at practice or what we just put our bodies through. It has been great to play together again, but on a team that is having fun instead of torturing ourselves for the sake of...well, I have no idea now. But those are days gone by!

Might I add that the South Carolina women's soccer team is killing it these days? I am fired up about my alma mater! Go Cocks!

Yep, I said it.

Tonight

Tonight is by far the best night of television that we have had since May. The series premiers of The Office and Grey's Anatomy are running opposite of each other and I am mightily ticked off at the executives at NBC for making people choose. There are many nights that I am "allowed" to watch Grey's Anatomy just because it does not interfere with watching The Office when it was in the 8:30pm timeslot.

So instead, we are GOING to watch the Grey's premier and Tivo The Office and have to watch The Office while we TiVo ER. Arggh. What would we do if didn't have Tivo???

BTW: The only way that we are going to watch TV in this manner is because I have forced Matt's hands by inviting some friends over to watch Grey's..teehee. Anyone wanna come over? Open INVITE!

Oh and I forgot, USC Women's Soccer is opening SEC play at Tennessee tonight and the game will be televised on Fox Sports South starting at 8pm. Oh the conflict.

I know I know

I haven't been posting much lately. Life seems to be coming at me awfully fast these days. Between work, Young Life, my kids, my husband and friends...I feel really full-perhaps overcommitteed. But everything is working out, I just haven't had much time to catch up!

So this weekend, we had our annual leader retreat on Lake Keowee in South Carolina. It was beautiful! Our dear friends, the Troyers kept Asher for the weekend so we didn't have to take him. He had a great time with them all weekend and we had a GREAT time without him too. Not to say that we didn't want him around, but he is two and quite a handful around a big group. Lucy was much quieter and happier to just crawl around and be cute the whole weekend. She also was very happy to go with me to watch the Gamecock women's soccer team LOSE to Clemson at Clemson, 1-0. It was a bit devastating I have to say. To go from being undefeated to losing on a crap goal late in the 2nd half when we dominated the game was terrible. But it happens. The highlight of the game was seeing Charlotte Moore at the game and getting to catch up on all of our old soccer friends from USC.


It made me realize that I stink at keeping in touch with people. I mean, I just dropped almost all of these girls that I laughed, cried, cursed with and did just about everything with for four years. What the crap is wrong with me? I just moved on. It made me really sad and I have to say, I longed to be back with those friends again. I hope that we will work up a nice reunion sometime soon. I think enough time has passed for most of us to get over whatever crimes/hurts we walked away with so many years ago.


Anyway, Lucy and I went to the game and then we came back and partied with the YL leaders for the rest of the weekend. The weather was gorgeous and it was really fun. As soon as we got back, we had people over to the house for game night because we are gluttons for entertainment punishment and then the week got started back up.


I am worn out just from typing all of this. Tonight we had our 2nd YL club at TC Roberson and it was really fun. I am WAY behind on getting kids names down and it is getting stressful thinking about getting babysitters for the weeks to come. But I had a blast and we are just getting started there. It is an adventure!