Cynicism or Joy

"For me it is amazing to experience the daily radical difference between cynicism and joy. Cynics seek darkness wherever they go. They point always to approaching dangers, impure motives, and hidden schemes. They call trust naive, care romantic, and forgiveness sentimental. They sneer at enthusiasm, ridicule spiritual fervor, and despise charismatic behavior. They consider themselves realists who see  reality for what it truly is and who are not deceived by "escapist emotions." But in belittling God's joy, their darkness only calls forth more darkness.

People who have come to know the joy of God do not deny the darkness, but they choose not to live in it. They claim that the light that shines in the darkness can be trusted more than the darkness itself and that a little bit of light can dispel a lot of darkness. They point each other to flashes of light here and there and remind each other that they reveal the hidden but real presence of God. They discover that there are people who heal each other's wounds, forgive each other's offenses, share their possessions, foster the spirit of community, celebrate the gifts they have received, and live in constant anticipation of God's glory.

Every moment of the day I have the chance to choose between cynicism and joy. Every thought I have can cynical or joyful. Every word I speak can be cynical or joyful. Every action can cynical or joyful. Increasingly I am aware of all these possible choices, and increasingly I discover that every choice of joy in turn reveals more joy and offers more reason to make life a true celebration in the house of the Father."

Return of the Prodigal Son

Henri Nouwen

p. 109

I followed a blog for a long time called "The Happiness Project" and the book about the project has recently been published in paperback where a Gretchen Rubin pursued all the ways that one can make herself happy.  In a semi-healthy way.

She came upon this truth along the way: "I'm not happy unless I think I'm happy." 

What does that mean? 

It means, it is a choice. 

We can do all things. With Christ. 

Today.

You can choose to be joyful. Full of life. 

Or you can be dark, lonely, annoyed and overwhelmed. 

This is my push and pull that I deal with. 

Today, I am going to do my best to be joyful.

How about you? 

Seeking Definition

"The farther I run away from the place where God dwells, the less I am able to hear the voice that calls me the Beloved, and the less I hear that voice, the more entangled I become in the manipulations and power games of the world.

It goes somewhat like this: I am not so sure anymore that I have a safe home, and I observe other people who seem to be better off than I. I wonder how I can get to where they are. I try hard to please, to achieve success, to be recognized. When I fail, I feel jealous or resentful of others. When I succeed, I worry that others will be jealous or resentful of me. I become suspicious or defensie and increasingly afraid that I won't get what I o much desire or will lose what I already have. Caught in this tangle of needs and wants, I no longer know my own motivations. I feel victimized by my surroundings and distrustful of what others are doing or saying. always on my guards, I lose my inner freedom and start dividing my world into those who are for me and those who are against me. I wonder if anyone really cares. I start looking for validations of my distrust. And wherever I go, I see them, and I say: "No one can be trusted." And then I wonder whether anyone really loved me. The world around me becomes dark. My heart grows heavy. My body is filled with sorrows. My life loses meaning. I have become a lost soul."

Henri Nouwen

-Return of the Prodigal

p. 47

Typically for me, this is when I get grabby hands. 

Looking for anything and everything that will satisfy.

Wanting to shove down the feelings of loneliness and the ache within and instead rush towards busyness and noise and distractions-just so I don't notice the lack of clarity and meaning within and the heaviness of my heart.

As soon as I do notice, I linger a bit.

Not for the pain, but because admitting I was astray in a place I never meant to be is never a fun activity. So I stay on a little longer but it doesn't get better. 

I start to do inventory and realize the voice of the Beloved is waiting with open arms and there is a feast of goodness if all I will do is return. 

Why not start back immediately? 

Why do I go after life that will not lead me to His table? 

Henri Nouwen summarizes it best again:

"Often, I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of it waves. All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning show that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me." (p. 42)

My friends Drew and Ellie Holcomb have covered the song "Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley and I heard it yesterday and it made my soul go "POP!" when I heard it. 

The song has not been released, but Indie Arie did a great version of it as well and this YouTube video has the lyrics written within it which I think are so powerful. 

Even if I'm not loved anymore by others, it is still about forgiveness. 

Solid. 

True Thanksgiving

As we head into the holiday weekend, it can be a difficult time encountering family and extended family (I know nothing about this-mind you) with years of hurt and past difficulties rising to the surface as you pull into the driveway.

I was reading this passage by Henri Nouwen this morning and thought it might be a nice reflection and give purpose to the weekend should you have a moment (and I would encourage you to) to pause, read this and ask God to let you have this as your worship to him this weekend.

Judgement

"We spend countless hours making up our minds about others. An unceasing exchange of opinion about people close or far away keeps us distracted and allows us to ignore the truth that we ourselves are the first ones who need a change of heart and probably the only ones whose hearts can indeed change.

We always say again: "What about him? What about her? What Jesus says to us, as he said to Peter, who always wanted to know what would happen to John, "What does it matter to you? You are the follow me." (John 21:21-22)

Imagine your having no need at all to judge anybody. Imagine your having no desire to decide whether someone is a good or bad person. Imagine your being completely free from the feeling that you have to make up your mind about the morality of someone's behavior. Imagine you could say, "I am judging no one!"

Imagine-wouldn't that be true inner freedom? The desert fathers from the fourth century said, "Judging others is a heavy burden." I have had a few moments in my life during which I felt free from all judgements about others. It felt as if a heavy burden had been taken away from me. At those moments I experienced a deep love for everyone I met, heard about, or read about. A deep solidarity with all people and a deep desire to love them broke down my inner walls and made my heart as wide as the universe...

We all have these moments if we are attentive to the movement of God's Spirit within us. They are like glimpses of heaven, glimpses of beauty and peace. It is easy to dismiss these moments as products of ours dreams or poetic imagination. But when we choose to claim them as God's way of tapping us on our shoulders and showing us the deepest truth of our existence, we can gradually step beyond our need to judge others and our inclination to evaluate everybody and everything. Then we can grow toward real inner freedom and real sanctity."

Here and Now: Living in the Spirit

pages 60-61

Come Thou Fount

"When you get exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed, or run down, your body is saying that you are doing things that are none of your business. God does not require of you what is beyond your ability, what leads you away from God, or what makes you depressed or sad. God wants you to live for others and to live that presence well. Doing so might include suffering, fatigue, and even moments of great physical pain, but none of this must ever pull you away from your deepest calling and God."
-Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love

thanks Amy Noll.