Okay, so I now might have a sense of humor about what transpired at my house last night to actually talk about it.
Matt and I are redoing our bathroom and so he has been working like a dog on it. And the bathroom is looking so good. I love it! We are painting it a really nice creamy green and putting down ceramic tile. So, Matt was painting last night so that we could begin to put down the tile this week. I was trying to get Lucy to sleep (which is still a challenge without the swaddle) when Matt finished painting. I could hear him cleaning everything up when Lucy started crying and I had to go into her room to put the pacifier back in her mouth (for the 28th time). Matt walked into the living room and peeked into her room to see how I was doing. As I came out of her room, I saw paint-GREEN FREAKING PAINT dripping from the bottom of the grocery store bag that he put the wet paint pan into and it was a steady stream all over the carpet. It was leaving a trail like Hansel and Gretal throughout our house.
I yelled out to him, "Aghhh, get out of the house! You're dripping paint!" Which then woke Lucy up for the 29th time.
When he came back inside, he set about cleaning up the paint by rubbing it into the carpet. I quickly put a stop to that and got him some Woolite carpet cleaner and sprayed all of the paint that I could see. Then I had to get Lucy, because she was still awake from my earlier outburst and I had to feed her. Matt started to clean again, but this time with a clean cloth and was dabbing at the spots, but quickly moved to a frantic rubdown. He was making some progress, but eventually (in the worst area) he got most of the paint up, but it also tinted the area green. It was also making so much noise that Lucy could not settle down to eat. I asked Matt to take a break until I could get her asleep.
After Lucy fell asleep, we searched the internet and many sites suggested just using lukewarm water, dishwashing soap and a nail brush. I got to work with that method and it worked remarkably well. The only problem was that as I started cleaning up, I noticed that the work area about quadrupled because apparently my husband was doing laps while carrying wet paint around in our house! I was so mad, I couldn't even talk. Matt knew that I was beyond angry because he kept saying, "I triple bagged it. I triple bagged it!" Which really only served to make me more mad because; 1) Why wasn't he using a regular garbage bag instead of the grocery bags? I don't even trust dog poop in those things. Why trust WET FREAKIN' PAINT?
2) Why are you even moving wet paint? We aren't using that bathroom. It easily could have sat until tomorrow. Ughh.
The whole time I was cleaning, I was trying to tell myself to have a sense of humor about this and to relax. I mean, it was coming up and it was alright. But I was having a really hard time laughing. It simply was not funny at the time. But looking back, I mean after the day that I had with Asher throwing up at least ten times, his diarrhea, Lucy crying endlessly and Matt was gone all morning while I dealt with it and then, right when we were feeling good about the bathroom and everything...BAM it all blows up again. That's funny. The key to comedy is timing and boy, was it hitting last night!
So we cleaned and got a significant amount of the paint up by around 1am. Then Matt decided he wanted to go and check on Asher because he had been asleep since 6pm. About ten minutes later, Asher and Matt both came upstairs. Strike 2. It turned out that Asher had a messy diaper and Matt changed it and of couse, Asher woke up. He was super thirsty from having thrown up all day and so we gave him a little bit of water. He threw that up in about three minutes. So we gave him more phinergan and Matt settled in for an all-nighter of watching the Wiggles.
I gave Matt a Happy St. Patrick's Day and thanks for painting-the-carpet-green kiss and went to bed.
The carpet looks fine today and once we steam clean the carpets (which we have to do because of all of the puke) you won't be able to tell there was ever a problem. But, I am pretty sure that we all learned a lesson. Don't move wet paint. Don't trust grocery store bags. Give your children phinergan every night.
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Happiness Project
One of my favorite blogs these days is www.happiness-project.com and the woman who writes the blog put up this post a few months ago about controlling or dealing with your anger. Now I know that none of us likes to admit that we get angry (or just how often we get angry) but I just read the tips and I think that they are extraordinarily useful and as soon as Matt gets back in town, I am going to try and put them into action with him in particular. And I will start with everyone else immediately!
"One of my worst faults is my quick temper. I’ve been working hard to control my anger—by not expressing it, or even better, not feeling it.
The problem with that familiar advice about “counting to 10” is that I can never remember to do it. Here are some strategies that do work for me, when I manage to use them.
1. Don’t give in to my anger. Many people believe in the “catharsis hypothesis” and think that expressing anger is healthy-minded and relieves their feelings. Not so. Studies show that expressing anger only aggravates it. I’ve certainly found this to be true; once I get going, I can whip myself into a fury. It’s better to stay calm.
2. Let the sun go down on my anger. I tend to get irritated with the Big Man at night, probably because I’m tired. Now I force myself to wait until the next day to berate him about this or that. And the next morning, my anger is completely gone.
3. Accept blame. I hate being in the wrong, and often snap back when people find fault with something I’ve done. Now I really try to pause to ask myself, “Am I in the wrong?” and to respond with gentleness.
4. Ask: “Am I improving the situation?” This works especially well with the Big Girl. If I get angry with her, she has a complete melt-down. It’s unpleasant, but her reactions have sure helped me get better control of myself. Now, when I have the urge to snap, I think, “Is this going to help the situation?” And the answer is always NO.
5. Find “an area of refuge.” I lifted this phrase from a sign near an elevator at Yale Law School—it struck me as funny. Research shows that when people’s thoughts are unoccupied, brooding sets in. So I try to “find an area of refuge” in my mind; that is, to dwell on serene thoughts instead of brooding and fussing. Along the same lines…
6. Distract myself. Indulging in “overthinking”—dwelling on trifling slights, unpleasant encounters, and sadness—leads to bad feelings. I can enrage myself by obsessing on some petty annoyance. In what the Big Man calls the “downward spiral,” I begin to rail about every negative episode in recent memory. Now I deliberately distract my thoughts, usually by thinking about some writing question.
7. Ask: am I mad at myself? Martha Beck makes the interesting argument that we brood on other people’s faults when we subconsciously identify with them; what we condemn in other people is what we condemn in ourselves. So now when someone is making me angry, I ask myself, “Can I accuse myself of the same fault?” In a telling bit of psychology, I’ve noticed Beck’s observation to be very true for other people, but not so much for myself! Do I suspect a bit of self-denial might be going on…?
8. Laugh. Humor is the answer to everything (humor and exercise). Now when I absolutely can’t hold back my anger, I at least try to insert a joke, or make fun of myself, or assume a lighter tone as I rant on. So instead of sniping out a comment like “Can you PLEASE just answer my emails so I can deal with these horrible logistics issues?!” I might say something like, “I’m thinking of getting a homing pigeon that will fly to your office and rap on your window with its beak until you send me an answer.” The added advantage of this approach is that no matter how the other person responds, I feel less angry and more light-hearted when I adopt a lighter tone."
And finally my own tip...pray for the person that you are angry with. Something changes when you lift that person in prayer and all of the sudden you are more compassionate and caring. You might even see things from their perspective and stop being angry with them.
I am going to try to do this today. Anybody else?
"One of my worst faults is my quick temper. I’ve been working hard to control my anger—by not expressing it, or even better, not feeling it.
The problem with that familiar advice about “counting to 10” is that I can never remember to do it. Here are some strategies that do work for me, when I manage to use them.
1. Don’t give in to my anger. Many people believe in the “catharsis hypothesis” and think that expressing anger is healthy-minded and relieves their feelings. Not so. Studies show that expressing anger only aggravates it. I’ve certainly found this to be true; once I get going, I can whip myself into a fury. It’s better to stay calm.
2. Let the sun go down on my anger. I tend to get irritated with the Big Man at night, probably because I’m tired. Now I force myself to wait until the next day to berate him about this or that. And the next morning, my anger is completely gone.
3. Accept blame. I hate being in the wrong, and often snap back when people find fault with something I’ve done. Now I really try to pause to ask myself, “Am I in the wrong?” and to respond with gentleness.
4. Ask: “Am I improving the situation?” This works especially well with the Big Girl. If I get angry with her, she has a complete melt-down. It’s unpleasant, but her reactions have sure helped me get better control of myself. Now, when I have the urge to snap, I think, “Is this going to help the situation?” And the answer is always NO.
5. Find “an area of refuge.” I lifted this phrase from a sign near an elevator at Yale Law School—it struck me as funny. Research shows that when people’s thoughts are unoccupied, brooding sets in. So I try to “find an area of refuge” in my mind; that is, to dwell on serene thoughts instead of brooding and fussing. Along the same lines…
6. Distract myself. Indulging in “overthinking”—dwelling on trifling slights, unpleasant encounters, and sadness—leads to bad feelings. I can enrage myself by obsessing on some petty annoyance. In what the Big Man calls the “downward spiral,” I begin to rail about every negative episode in recent memory. Now I deliberately distract my thoughts, usually by thinking about some writing question.
7. Ask: am I mad at myself? Martha Beck makes the interesting argument that we brood on other people’s faults when we subconsciously identify with them; what we condemn in other people is what we condemn in ourselves. So now when someone is making me angry, I ask myself, “Can I accuse myself of the same fault?” In a telling bit of psychology, I’ve noticed Beck’s observation to be very true for other people, but not so much for myself! Do I suspect a bit of self-denial might be going on…?
8. Laugh. Humor is the answer to everything (humor and exercise). Now when I absolutely can’t hold back my anger, I at least try to insert a joke, or make fun of myself, or assume a lighter tone as I rant on. So instead of sniping out a comment like “Can you PLEASE just answer my emails so I can deal with these horrible logistics issues?!” I might say something like, “I’m thinking of getting a homing pigeon that will fly to your office and rap on your window with its beak until you send me an answer.” The added advantage of this approach is that no matter how the other person responds, I feel less angry and more light-hearted when I adopt a lighter tone."
And finally my own tip...pray for the person that you are angry with. Something changes when you lift that person in prayer and all of the sudden you are more compassionate and caring. You might even see things from their perspective and stop being angry with them.
I am going to try to do this today. Anybody else?
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