It is the summer, so be warned:
This is NOT the way to park a jet ski!
Showing posts with label hilarity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hilarity. Show all posts
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Monday, August 24, 2009
35 Completely True Things
I just read this somewhere else and just had to edit a few things in order to repost it. Enjoy!
1. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
2. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
3. Bad decisions make good stories.
4. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
If you need to know, click here! fold a fitted sheet
5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
6. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again
8. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
9. Was learning cursive really necessary?
10. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
11. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
12. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
13. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
14. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
15. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
16. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
17. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
18. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
19. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
20. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
21. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
22. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
23. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
24. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
26. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
27. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
28. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
29. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
30. Why is a school zone 15 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
31. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. Except when I'm a cyclist.
32. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
33. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
34. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
35. Changing the clock in my son's room so he thinks that 8 o'clock is really 7 is the most genius thing that I have accomplished in my adult life.
1. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
2. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
3. Bad decisions make good stories.
4. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
If you need to know, click here! fold a fitted sheet
5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
6. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again
8. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
9. Was learning cursive really necessary?
10. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
11. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
12. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
13. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
14. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
15. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
16. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
17. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
18. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
19. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
20. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
21. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
22. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
23. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
24. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
26. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
27. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
28. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
29. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
30. Why is a school zone 15 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
31. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. Except when I'm a cyclist.
32. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
33. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
34. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
35. Changing the clock in my son's room so he thinks that 8 o'clock is really 7 is the most genius thing that I have accomplished in my adult life.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
You'll Be In My Heart
During our week at Saranac, (which ended a week ago) I ended up getting overwhelmed emotionally several times. Not that unusual during a week at camp for me, but one particular time; I ended up crying and Matt was there to witness the moment.
He was trying to talk me down and as all of the ladies in the audience know, this never works.
But he was doing his best and in the middle of it, a random high school boy from (perhaps) Buffalo, NY walks up to me, grabs my hand, and looks into my tear filled eyes from behind his sunglasses and starts to sing to me these words,
"Come stop your crying, it will be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here don't you cry
For one so small,you seem so strong
My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm
This bond between us cant be broken
I will be here don't you cry
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always"
I say, "thank you so much. That is very sweee..."
When he interrupts with:
"Why cant they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they can't explain
I know were different but deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always"
"Okay. Thank you so much. I feel much better now. Thank you..."
"Don't listen to them, cause what do they know
We need each other, to have and to hold
They'll see in time, I know
When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you, but you gotta hold on
They'll see in time, I know
Well show them together cuz...
You'll be in my heart
I believe, you'll be in my heart
Ill be there from this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart always
Always...
I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there always"
"Sometimes that helps. I hope it helped you."
To which Matt piped in (because he was SITTING NEXT TO ME through all of this),
"It sure helped me."
And yes. He really did sing ALL verses, ALL choruses, every part of that song looking soulfully into my eyes, the whole time wearing sunglasses so I couldn't see his.
I was trying very hard to STOP crying, NOT laugh and then try to take in the moment because what in the world was happening here?
It was really funny and a great moment of being met in my weakness, perhaps in the only way that I could have during the week that I was having.
For those of you that want to, here is the song performed by Mr. Phil Collins:
He was trying to talk me down and as all of the ladies in the audience know, this never works.
But he was doing his best and in the middle of it, a random high school boy from (perhaps) Buffalo, NY walks up to me, grabs my hand, and looks into my tear filled eyes from behind his sunglasses and starts to sing to me these words,
"Come stop your crying, it will be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here don't you cry
For one so small,you seem so strong
My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm
This bond between us cant be broken
I will be here don't you cry
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always"
I say, "thank you so much. That is very sweee..."
When he interrupts with:
"Why cant they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they can't explain
I know were different but deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always"
"Okay. Thank you so much. I feel much better now. Thank you..."
"Don't listen to them, cause what do they know
We need each other, to have and to hold
They'll see in time, I know
When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you, but you gotta hold on
They'll see in time, I know
Well show them together cuz...
You'll be in my heart
I believe, you'll be in my heart
Ill be there from this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart always
Always...
I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there always"
"Sometimes that helps. I hope it helped you."
To which Matt piped in (because he was SITTING NEXT TO ME through all of this),
"It sure helped me."
And yes. He really did sing ALL verses, ALL choruses, every part of that song looking soulfully into my eyes, the whole time wearing sunglasses so I couldn't see his.
I was trying very hard to STOP crying, NOT laugh and then try to take in the moment because what in the world was happening here?
It was really funny and a great moment of being met in my weakness, perhaps in the only way that I could have during the week that I was having.
For those of you that want to, here is the song performed by Mr. Phil Collins:
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Ahh the hilarity
I found a bunch of pictures today while I was cleaning up around the house and I thought that I would share them with you.
If you want to see the details in these pictures, click on them and they will get bigger.
WARNING: These are going to embarrass my family and myself so I am going to have some comments that are going to be less than savory I am sure!
This is a picture of my sister, Shellie and I. I have no idea how old I am, but I am guessing less than a year old. That would make my sister probably eight years old. We might have still be living in Las Vegas at the time. I actually really like this picture.
Here I am in the sixth grade. This was my cool phase. That's right, I was cool at one point. With my giant bangs, perm and my WAY cool vest, I was a hit in the sixth grade. This is when I might have peaked. Except that I was busy trying to fail out of the sixth grade in my attempt to be so COOL. Awesome.
This is my little brother Drew and me. I might have been in the 2nd grade. I can tell because of the monstrosity that is my bowl cut haircut. My mom tried to cut my hair into a bob and she had to keep cutting to even it up. Awesome.
This is my sixth grade soccer team, the Falcons. I was so good that I didn't even have to wear my hair in a ponytail. There I am, on the bottom left hand row. You can tell it's me by the bangs. Awesome.
This is my sister Shellie and my mom. They were at a cafe outside of Madrid, Spain in this picture. I have no idea what they are doing. But I LOVE the huge glasses, the perm my sister is rocking and the Wham! pose both of them are striking. Awesome.
Oooh OOh OOOOOOH! This is a GREAT picture. You might miss it at first glance so I will point out the awesomeness to you. 1. Santa and Mrs. Clause are both Korean. 2. I am in the sixth grade (my hair tips me off) and I am sitting on Santa's lap, which makes me feel VERY awkward. 3. I am wearing acid washed jeans. 4. My hair was looking especially good that day. 5. You could supply a wig to Locks of Love from my eyebrows. AWESOME.
This is a family portrait at my grandparents house in Lakeland, Florida. Everyone in the picture looks really cute and tan. Except for me in my JU bike riding hat that was all the rage that summer. I mean, who thought that was a good idea? Was I cyclist when I was 12 and I didn't know it? I am also as big as my mom, yet I am sitting on my dad's lap. AWESOME.
In this picture, if my memory serves me correctly...I crashed a spend the night party that my sister was having. They were doing some kind of scary makeup party or something and they decided to go to TOWN on me and Shellie. Hey, at least we have a funny picture out of it! Awesome.
So that's that. As I find more pictures from my past, I might put them up later!
If you want to see the details in these pictures, click on them and they will get bigger.
WARNING: These are going to embarrass my family and myself so I am going to have some comments that are going to be less than savory I am sure!
This is a picture of my sister, Shellie and I. I have no idea how old I am, but I am guessing less than a year old. That would make my sister probably eight years old. We might have still be living in Las Vegas at the time. I actually really like this picture.
Here I am in the sixth grade. This was my cool phase. That's right, I was cool at one point. With my giant bangs, perm and my WAY cool vest, I was a hit in the sixth grade. This is when I might have peaked. Except that I was busy trying to fail out of the sixth grade in my attempt to be so COOL. Awesome.
This is my little brother Drew and me. I might have been in the 2nd grade. I can tell because of the monstrosity that is my bowl cut haircut. My mom tried to cut my hair into a bob and she had to keep cutting to even it up. Awesome.
This is my sixth grade soccer team, the Falcons. I was so good that I didn't even have to wear my hair in a ponytail. There I am, on the bottom left hand row. You can tell it's me by the bangs. Awesome.
This is my sister Shellie and my mom. They were at a cafe outside of Madrid, Spain in this picture. I have no idea what they are doing. But I LOVE the huge glasses, the perm my sister is rocking and the Wham! pose both of them are striking. Awesome.
Oooh OOh OOOOOOH! This is a GREAT picture. You might miss it at first glance so I will point out the awesomeness to you. 1. Santa and Mrs. Clause are both Korean. 2. I am in the sixth grade (my hair tips me off) and I am sitting on Santa's lap, which makes me feel VERY awkward. 3. I am wearing acid washed jeans. 4. My hair was looking especially good that day. 5. You could supply a wig to Locks of Love from my eyebrows. AWESOME.
This is a family portrait at my grandparents house in Lakeland, Florida. Everyone in the picture looks really cute and tan. Except for me in my JU bike riding hat that was all the rage that summer. I mean, who thought that was a good idea? Was I cyclist when I was 12 and I didn't know it? I am also as big as my mom, yet I am sitting on my dad's lap. AWESOME.
In this picture, if my memory serves me correctly...I crashed a spend the night party that my sister was having. They were doing some kind of scary makeup party or something and they decided to go to TOWN on me and Shellie. Hey, at least we have a funny picture out of it! Awesome.
So that's that. As I find more pictures from my past, I might put them up later!
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