Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A Haunting Thought
I have been reading a lot lately and I ran across a synopsis of Dante's Inferno. It says that Dante's version of Hell is "proximity without intimacy."
And it has made me wonder how much of my life has been spent working towards proximity without intimacy as a goal in my relationships? I have lived in a lot of places, left a lot of people behind and now I am trying to rebuild my brain because I want to avoid what Dante's Hell in my life.
I always wanted to be around people and be liked; but without being known and risking little.
Now, I am trying to reverse course and dive in the deep end with people rather than visit in the shallows.
I have realized that this is what I loved about my freshman girls at summer camp. They haven't been hurt too much yet. They just lived without covering their backs. But their sophomore year is waiting and friends will burn each other. By the time you are a senior, you try to say little and survive.
You go to college and want to be known, but be anonymous all at the same time. And then spend the next ten years trying to reverse what you have built because you recognize that you need friends; girlfriends, in this life.
I sure hope that I don't struggle with this for the rest of my life.